


Alive

by TeaHouseMoon



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon compliant kind of, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Philip is grieving for Anne, Set before the party in red hook scene, Sex, They love each other, a little bit sad, lukas is a goood boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 13:06:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10697619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaHouseMoon/pseuds/TeaHouseMoon
Summary: When he shows up at Helen's door that afternoon, she lets him in. She has a small smile, which makes him hope a little.Upstairs, Philip comes to open the door, in his pyjamas, curls messy, face tired.When he turns to pad back to the bed, Lukas allows himself to swallow.





	Alive

"Are you even still friends?", someone asks at school, because Philip has not been showing up, has come only for one day, and kept to himself.  
'Are we even still together', Lukas's mind corrects, asks instead. He doesn't respond to either, and just concentrates on closing his locker. Were they even ever together, is probably a more legitimate question. He feels himself frown, and clears his throat, and forces himself to his next class.

 

 

 

When he shows up at Helen's door that afternoon, she lets him in. She has a small smile, which makes him hope a little.  
Upstairs, Philip comes to open the door, in his pyjamas, curls messy, face tired.  
When he turns to pad back to the bed, Lukas allows himself to swallow.

'Are you alright' is a crappy thing to ask. 'What are you doing', too mundane.  
"Did you just wake up?" Is what he goes for at the end, and he kind of bites his lip. It's past 3pm, it could sound like a reprimand.

"I don't mind you being here," Philip says instead, as if he hasn't even heard. His mouth downturned. He goes back to curl on the messy sheets on the bed, his back to Lukas.  
It's not as if Lukas can't walk around to the other side of the bed and see his face. It doesn't feel like a wall, and so Lukas knows he can. He climbs on the bed, lies down, curls around Philip's back, wraps an arm around his middle from behind.  
Philip lets him.

With his nose pushed into Philip's hair, Lukas breathes his smell, sighs into it. He pushes Philip back into himself with a hand on his belly and Philip kind of groans softly, claws Lukas's arm with his short nails, and then that hand flies up to cup Lukas's cheek.  
Philip turns his face, and Lukas isn't expecting that. He isn't expecting Philip to kiss him. But all the same, it's not like he doesn't want it; he really, really wants to kiss him. So much so that he feels guilty for it. He feels guilty of wanting Philip, after everything that happened, after what they've been through. But he wants him.

Philip keeps kissing and even strains back further, to take more of Lukas's lips, because Lukas is so overwhelmed and thinking and distracted that he's just letting himself be kissed. Lukas feels the muscles and bones under his hand on Philip's belly tighten and move, and that's his clue.  
He starts kissing properly, like that day in the motel, like always, but especially like that day when they gave themselves and their virginity to each other. Lukas groans again into Philip at the memory; it was only three weeks ago.

How can such a good memory feel so bad?

He keeps his hand firmly on Philip's belly, over his shirt.  
Slowly, Philip turns in his arms so they're more face to face. Lukas keeps kissing, but that's it. He wants more, but this is love, not just getting laid, and he will wait for Philip until the end of the world if he needs to. He will wait for him and he will be there even if Philip never wants to do that again, ever.  
Lukas doesn't really know much about this, he has never been in love before, but he knows that Philip feels like a treasure in his arms, and like the most important thing in the world, more important than his own life, and Lukas wants to keep him from each and any harm.

"Lukas," Philip calls on his lips. Lukas fights to open his eyes.  
"Lukas. Touch me?"

Lukas searches Philip's face, his brown eyes in the grey of the room. There's red on Philip's cheeks and lips, and Philip guides his hand down in between his legs, over his pyjama bottoms. "Please?"

Lukas wants to tell him that he sounds like he's begging, and he should never beg. Lukas is almost put out because Philip is asking him but Lukas's whole being wants to protect him, wants him to know he's there, wants Philip to know he wants to be his boyfriend and he wants to take care of him, and of course he'll do anything, because nothing is too much right now.

"Are you sure?" Lukas needs to ask. Looks into Philip's eyes when Philip nods.

"We haven't, since," Lukas kind of tries to say, and not say, he doesn't even know.

Philip's eyes fill with tears. Lukas frowns again, his heart beating fast. What to do? What to do. He doesn't know how to deal with this.  
He was too young when he lost his own mother.

"I still," Philip says, voice a hiccup. "I still love you."  
They haven't said it yet, but Lukas would look like a fool if he pretended he didn't know.

"Don't cry?", he asks, trying to be as gentle as possible, and thumbs at the tears on Philip's cheek. "I wish. I wish..." his voice trails off.

Philip wipes at his own face with a hand. "Lukas."

"I," Lukas says, he feels stupid. "I never stopped."

It hits even harder than just saying I love you and Lukas feels he could cry too. He feels full and empty and like he begins at the tip of Philip's fingers, and the end of his skin.

Philip sobs again, wipes at his face; blinks his long lashes, and then his eyes become darker and sturdier, grown up.  
Lukas depends on them to give him strength, as much as he wants to be strong himself for Philip.

"I don't want it ruined. The memory. I don't want it to be ruined," Philip says, and Lukas knows he means, by him. By what he did.

It was their first time and no one's first time should be marred by the memory of something horrible, something final and painful, when what they had was so perfect and beautiful and held no pain at all. They gave everything to each other, and now whatever happens they'll always have that, always share that, always be the first for each other.

Philip's eyes are still wide and staring at him; they're bright, but he isn't crying. His skin is so pale and smooth, his lips are red, and Lukas leans over and kisses him, and sighs into him. He doesn't know if it's right, he only knows it feels right - so he does it.  
Philip lets him roll gently on top of him and in between his legs, and Lukas only inches Philip's shirt up but doesn't take it off. He wishes they were naked, they should be naked, he wants to be asleep naked under the covers with Philip, but they aren't alone in the house and they haven't even locked the door.

He doesn't think about it right now because they need this. The need for each other's arms is too strong for either of them to untangle their bodies and make space in between.

Lukas kisses, stops to check again. Philip's eyes are still wide, but he manages a smile; Lukas's hand on him between his legs is his reward.  
They kiss while Lukas touches. Deep and full of caressing tongue, but Lukas makes sure Philip has always enough air to breathe.

It's a lot like their first time; except now Lukas is looking down into Philip's eyes, not up. The rest, is the same: the warmth, the push, hipbones bumping as they move. Hands stroking over ribs and nipples under shirts, under the comforter, and Lukas feels so hot right now, it's so boiling. Philip's quiet moans in his mouth and against his ear, the little jerks of his hips and the arch of his back.

Lukas didn't know it would be like this. He doesn't know so many things.

At the end, Lukas tries to sort them out without even moving - pulls up Philip's pants, while kissing the side of his throat, and feels so so sleepy. Hopes Philip feels sleepy too.

"Nap?", Lukas asks, hopeful. "Or, do you want me to go."

"You should stay on top of me and inside me forever", Philip says back. "If only that wasn't, like. Physically impossible."  
His voice is hushed, but Lukas can read the hint of bossy Philip in there, and it makes him smile, then giggle, a tiny sound.  
He looks down at Philip, at his expression and his eyes, the one corner of his mouth that's tentatively turned up. Lukas wants to hope; he wants to hope that Philip is telling him everything he needs to know.  
That they will be alright.

"Ok. Nap," he says, sliding to Philip's side. Their legs somehow still tangled.

They fall asleep to the tic toc of time from Philip's bedside clock; Lukas's lips firmly on Philip's pulse point on his throat.  
Alive, and beating. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Eyewitness needs our help.  
> The producer is looking for a new network so we can have Season 2.
> 
> If you want to see more of Philip and Lukas's story and want Season 2, PLEASE HELP.
> 
> Please follow @eyewitness_us on twitter so you can keep up to date with news and PLEASE TWEET THE NETWORKS AND TELL THEM YOU WANT SEASON2!
> 
> Even just one tweet makes the difference!
> 
> Please tweet:
> 
> @hulu @amazonvideo @netflix @heretv @showtime @heremedia


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